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Jul. 1st, 2014 11:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fireforged[Filter: Adrian, in Atsirian]
I...
I wish I'd let you in more.
Or maybe that's a lie. Maybe I'm glad I didn't. Maybe I'm proud of myself, that I learned my lesson after Lawrence. Love makes you so breakable. I did love you. That wasn't a lie. But I never let it... take me over, I held back from that. I held back everyday. Because I didn't want to be left behind again.
My life is all... it's a bit of a joke, isn't it?
I fell in love with a man from another world, one who I never actually met, and then I met him for real, and he was different, and yet still, I felt something, and then you. You were supposed to be the normal man, and now... now you've died like this.
Like this.
Were you afraid? Did you... did you think of me? Did you wish I was there? Did you blame me? Or... were you asleep? Lord Hasten said that there was a crater, did you just fall into the earth one day and then... never wake up? I don't know what I'd prefer.
I do wish I'd let you in more. I do, I think. If I'd pulled you close, I... maybe I would have refused to let you go. Maybe I would have spoken to you more in those last weeks. Maybe...
I regret never telling you how I felt. And...
And I regret never truly knowing how you felt.
I don't think Lawrence ever loved me, or... or whatever was happening there. I wish I knew, truly I do, if you ever did. I want to believe so, but...
Adrian.
This is the last time. This is the end of my grief. Tomorrow, I will try and move on. I will try and put you in my past. I will not write like this again, because scribbling messages to a dead man is not what a woman like me does.
I...
No. It's done. You're gone. I'm still here. There isn't anything more to say, is there?
I love you.
Goodbye.
I...
I wish I'd let you in more.
Or maybe that's a lie. Maybe I'm glad I didn't. Maybe I'm proud of myself, that I learned my lesson after Lawrence. Love makes you so breakable. I did love you. That wasn't a lie. But I never let it... take me over, I held back from that. I held back everyday. Because I didn't want to be left behind again.
My life is all... it's a bit of a joke, isn't it?
I fell in love with a man from another world, one who I never actually met, and then I met him for real, and he was different, and yet still, I felt something, and then you. You were supposed to be the normal man, and now... now you've died like this.
Like this.
Were you afraid? Did you... did you think of me? Did you wish I was there? Did you blame me? Or... were you asleep? Lord Hasten said that there was a crater, did you just fall into the earth one day and then... never wake up? I don't know what I'd prefer.
I do wish I'd let you in more. I do, I think. If I'd pulled you close, I... maybe I would have refused to let you go. Maybe I would have spoken to you more in those last weeks. Maybe...
I regret never telling you how I felt. And...
And I regret never truly knowing how you felt.
I don't think Lawrence ever loved me, or... or whatever was happening there. I wish I knew, truly I do, if you ever did. I want to believe so, but...
Adrian.
This is the last time. This is the end of my grief. Tomorrow, I will try and move on. I will try and put you in my past. I will not write like this again, because scribbling messages to a dead man is not what a woman like me does.
I...
No. It's done. You're gone. I'm still here. There isn't anything more to say, is there?
I love you.
Goodbye.
