fireforged: (Default)
[Filter: Servants of the Goddesses in Razen, in Atsirian]

I must admit -- I didn't expect for this to happen quite so soon. What was it, does everyone think, that brought the Queen to a firm decision on the matter of Raezi's position as the nomadic sitter so quickly? Was it something as simple as the amtahcha game? Or was it completely spur of the moment -- what did you gift her with, again, Raezi?

If we could place what, exactly, brought us to this conclusion, we could try and engineer the same circumstances for Karlesta.

-- but there is nothing but good news, here. Nothing at all. To have someone so devoted to our church, a priestess even, representing the tribes of Atsiria ... it's a massive advantage. If we can secure the additional formal seat for our Faedya ...
fireforged: (i'm gonna make it leave)
[Filter: Raezi and Adrian, in Atsirian]

Oh -- Dragons. Lord Robert is here. I suppose it was too much to ask of our Mothers to have him left out of an event like this, but it would have been so convenient ...

Things between he and Karlesta have been worse than ever, of late. We need to be sure that he doesn't give her any cause to ... react.
fireforged: (need to get my bearings)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

... you have seemed more on edge that I'd have hoped since the party. It went very well, you know, aside from the disturbance with Lord Robert, and we put that down easily. Everyone is talking about it. A historic occassion, one that will be remembered forever, and you were in the centre of it. Do you realize that?
fireforged: (promises I made and others I've broken)
[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

I have to ask, Raezi -- exactly what sort of sorcery did you work on Karlesta?

When I heard that she was addressing notes of invitation directly to Joseph Eshene and Lady Westa, I assumed that she was going to make a grand fuss about the situation, that you can only forced her to include them because of the Queen and Sir Altair. Logical, I'd say, considering how she's behaved in regards to the Atsir family before.

But instead, she seems ...

Fine.

Entirely fine. Quite contented, honestly. I raised the question with her, and she barely even seemed to react ...
fireforged: (here in november)
[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

I'm about to attempt to plant some seeds. I would appreciate it if you were so kind as to water them for me.

[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

I caught a glimpse of a great stack of unopened missives in the front parlour. Hm, I suppose even though you've stopped considering them, you've been inundated with invitations for tomrorow evening's affair at Sir Gideon's? Well, that's not surprising.

You should take it as a compliment. Even if you're uninterested, at least you're being sought out, hm?
fireforged: (Default)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

You seem to be spending more time with Shadda, lately, Karlesta. Is it because Aes has been so often cloistered in the Council chamber? I suppose that makes sense.

Well, I'm glad for it. Shadda's campaign is going well enough, but her odds are rather low, I would think. Not quite eye-catching enough. If the two of you are close, she will doubtless throw her resources in behind us, should she drop from the running. And beside, you seem to be a little ... happier, of late.

It's nice to see you smiling.

[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

... how would you say it's going? She doesn't confide these things in me like she does you.
fireforged: (gather up the splinters)
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

Karlesta so loathes the very thought of Joseph becoming King of Atsiria. And I do not blame her for that. He hurt her badly, and he laughed while she bled. He deserves her scorn, it's true enough. And he and Lady Westa moved against the Mothers ... the Church ... I should feel the same. This is the closest House Atsir has ever been to reclaiming the throne, and Joseph is using the Queen for his purposes.

It's the Atsir way.

If Grandmother could be here today, if she could see what's happening, I know she'd be pleased. She only really smiled when she was completely satisfied with something, and she would be smiling ear to ear at this. Her grandson, tying himself to the Ansharian dynasty, finally. The chance for an Azshara to sit the throne. One cousin sitting on Atsiria's throne, and the other in Cleraine.

It's really all our family has ever wanted. A chance to slowly creep back onto the throne. We've always known we'd never have it back completely, but we can grow over it like moss.

Yes ... yes, Grandmother would be well pleased.

It's harder to be rid of her ghost than I wish it were. And sometimes, I suspect that I really don't try. There's more of her in me than I would like to admit.

I can't hate him for what he's doing. I can't be anything but proud ...

[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

... I think I might have someone.
fireforged: (gather up the splinters)
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

When will you learn? She isn't you. She isn't waiting for a strong-armed hero to come along, make her feel worthwhile, and then leave her to fend for herself. She isn't looking for a man who can validate her existence. She isn't looking for a confident presence she can draw her strength from. She's not you.

I

It's been

[Filter: Adrian, in Atsirian]

I suppose I should have listened to you.

[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

Well? Have you had any luck with her? Any at all? ... should I try and see her?

These are the things it would have been nice to have had a lifetime with her to learn.
fireforged: (no I won't say please)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

I must say, Karlesta, though it might not be my place -- you didn't really seem to be enjoying yourself last night. Less so than usual, one might remark.

[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

I see what you're trying to do. We did talk about this, didn't we? I must admit ... I had hoped we'd see a little more in the way of results. First the young man at Lady Aes's themed party, and then that handsome fellow at the quieter gathering last night ...

There must be something wrong with them. I'm trying to get more from her, now. I don't think she realizes just how important this could be.
fireforged: (and these shadows keep on changing)
[Filter: Those Sworn to the Goddesses excluding Audreyna, in Atsirian]

I suppose that means our little tale about Lord Robert's fierce jealousy and pronounced disdain for his more well known brother has begun to take root.

Of course, Lady Rhoswen is an especially notorious gossip. Likely it isn't exactly common knowledge, as of yet. But it is a step in the right direction, the first sprout of our seeds, and we are nothing if not patient, yes? Soon enough, his star will fall and he'll be back in Dalphora where he can't poison the his family name. We only have to water and wait.

[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

Are you certain you're taking the right tactic with the Queen?
fireforged: (one more look at the ghost)
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

It reminds me of the parties I was allowed to watch from the sidelines with my nanny, as a girl.

Grandmother never let me dance, or speak, or even mingle, and I always had to wear my veil. Just another upper class little girl, watching her betters moving in their steps. Oh, how they entranced me, their laughter and smiles and the fine men on their arms. The whirl of their skirts ... the glitter of their jewels ...

I know what her purpose was. She meant to show me the life I would never have, the life a bastard would never be entitled to. She meant to remind me of my place.

What would the Lady Vashj say if she were still here, tonight?

[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

Karlesta, really.

You feel that ball between your shoulders? Keeping them lashed tightly together and not letting you move them freely?

Well, everyone here sees it, too.

You needn't be so stiff. They all know you're above them. Holding yourself so separate from their gaiety makes you appear standoffish and cold. Move among them. Laugh at their jokes, even when they aren't so very funny. Learn to ask questions.

Do you see how Adrian does it? Of course, you can't simply emulate him; he's in a submissive role. But you can learn his tricks and turn them about to match your own skills and situation.

You do yourself more harm than good, like this.

[Filter: Raezi, in Atsirian]

Saedri, it was a great shame you are not yet in Razen. The event the Queen has staged tonight for all of the campaigners in Razen and their families is exactly the sort of situation you so excel in. What a missed opportunity.
fireforged: (and these shadows keep on changing)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

Mn, well, it has been a week since we started playing this complicated game. Let us regroup.

So far, I would say that things are going quite well. You are already one of the most visible and impressive candidates, and I think you've done a fine job beginning to re-establish your connections with the Queen. Not so quickly she thinks poorly of it. And you have done well in reminding her why she enjoyed your company to begin with.

I have also noticed something unexpected: none of the other candidates who keep faith with the Goddesses are willing to speak against you. I should have seen that in advance, but I didn't. A pleasant surprise, no?

There is only one thing I have my concerns about.

I did not expect your blood sister to launch her own campaign. Nor did I expect how well received it has been, thus far. She seems overly timid for such a position ...
fireforged: (through so many splintered trees)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

You and I, my daughter, have the need to discuss something.
fireforged: (need to get my bearings)
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

I wonder if anyone will remark on the family resemblance, seeing us all together. True enough that I always favoured my mother ... but I always though it fortunate that Westa was not in Cleraine when I was. The chin, the nose, the forehead ... there is classical Azshara in the both of us.

Of course, I doubt anyone will notice. Not even her. People only see what they wish to see. Westa is the Matriarch of House Atsir, and I the mysterious and elusive Prophet. There is no connection between us. No one will mark it, but for me.

And

Karlesta, Adrian and I should arrive late. Not enough to be rude, but enough to make a show of our arrival. We should not be seen as beholden to the swirl and call of Razen's activity. We move on the Goddesses' time, not that of mere mortals. Adrian should be seen as subserviant, Karlesta radiant. I will need to be sure she is seen, that she is remarked upon and marvelled at. She has grown clever. That should show.

... I wonder if she had realized yet, my plans for her. Perhaps not. Obvious enough, if one were to look closely, though this is all happening far, far ahead of schedule. But if she has not thought to ask the question, she will not have found the answer. Surely, nothing she's said has given any hint that she knows, or even suspects ...

Well, I will need to tell her soon. She has preparations to make, and a difficult game to play. Beside, she could use a distraction from the ... questions that I have seen her asking herself. About what happened in the library on that day.

... I wonder where he is tonight. If he thinks on what we talked about that day, what we realized, and what we agreed to. I wonder ...

I wonder.
fireforged: (gather up the splinters)
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

They all look to me. They all look to me to fix this.

I ... I brought this on myself, I suppose. I've built the Prophet as all-knowing and all-seeing. That was my defense, when I burned that innocent man, here. In fact, it's been my explanation for almost everything I've done since I became this person, hasn't it? And ...

There are so many similarities to the last time I was in Razen for an extended visit. I swept in and saved an innocent man from a charge of regicide, because my powers let me see to the truth, my Goddesses showed me who was truly guilty. I think that is all they want. Not for Lord Matthew to be innocent, but for me to be able to tell them whether he is, or not. They don't know what to think. They don't know who to trust. The city divides itself and the Council follows, and they all think that I can bridge that gap, because I have all but told them I can while never intending to do any such thing.

And the flames remain empty.

Why? Is it because he is guilty? Do you Holy Three know that if I have to tell the Queen her consort wanted to have her murdered, she will never trust or love me? Or is this something that you have no stake in, that you do not want to know?

Or ... is it me?

Do I not want to know the answer?

... easy enough, to think of who was the architect of this conspiracy if it were not Lord Matthew. House Atsir will stop at nothing to achieve their goals, and Joseph's aspirations were clear enough from the start. It would not be beyond him, or Lady Westa. Rather, it would be ... expected.

But ...

But I am done hurting my family. I -- I cannot destroy all that is left of them.

Lately ... I think of that night more often than I wish to admit. I ... since ...

Since I spoke with him.

I think of who I used to be and who I've become, and I think of the choices I have had to make, and I think that ... I don't want to make those choices. Not anymore.

Bastard I may be, but I am still part of the family Atsir, and I cannot bear to be the one to strike the final blow against my family, whether or not they deserve it.

So, then, what must I do?
fireforged: (need to get my bearings)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

As we agreed, Karlesta, I have compiled a list of every place I have seen this spectre of Lord Lawrence since we last spoke. I am the same as you ... only glimpses, and only for short times, and after, my head is left feeling quite strange. But with my eyes kept open and my mind kept intent, I have seen him more than I had in the past.

- Jaerelle's Square, near the fountain bowl
- The Street of Dust, twice, both by the Grand Library
- When I was speaking in the Sarrisian Courtyard, I saw him amoung the crowd, but he wasn't listening to me, just ... pushing through. No one else seemed to notice him. I thought it strange.
- Gernez Street, but only for a moment, and then he ducked into an alley. I couldn't find him when I pursued.
- And once at the east bank of the oasis, while we past with our retinue. He was just standing, looking out over the water. It seemed almost that he disappeared when I blinked.

This is the strangest search I have ever pursued.
fireforged: (need to get my bearings)
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

Just what is going on?
fireforged: (need to get my bearings)
[the first filter was hastily replaced with the second after this entry finished.]

[Filter: Lawrence]
[Filter: Private]

So.

You are not in Ilserna. Not in any physical, real form. I have had you invesigated a length. A tall, handsome Dentorian man would not go unnoticed, not in this city. And yet, there is no trace of you. Not a rumour. Not a whisper. Nothing.

But you've convinced me I am not mad. And so I must ... think. What else could this be?

I have been thinking ... thinking a great deal, about you. The you I remember, from when I was young and foolish and desperately lonely. I thought I was going mad, then, too, you know. I find it so easy to idealize those times. Remembering how happy I was. Forgetting the feeling of waking as if from a dream, of my experiences finding people confused as to who you were when I spoke of you.

I was not entirely honest, you see. I do remember you. I do remember loving you. But my memories are patchy. And strange.

I --

I begin to wonder. I begin to think that perhaps I never ...

No, it's still too nebulous, and far too bizarre. I can't put into words what I'm thinking, what I think may be happening to me. It's all disconnected and half-formed thoughts that you would be in no way enriched by knowing. I will wait, until I know what I mean to say, until I can recognize the workings of my own mind fully.

[Atsirian]

And I am doing neither of us any favours by writing to you, am I?

... what I seek ... you don't have. You can't give to me. I have to find this for myself. And then, I'll relay it to you, if it's of any use to either of us.

But I don't think I'm mad. And I don't think I ever was. Not all those years ago, when I wondered if I were so crazed with loneliness I had created myself a ghost lover. And not now, when I see him in crowds and in the distance, and then blink, and he's gone.

I don't think I'm mad.

I think I'm a Prophet.
fireforged: (need to get my bearings)
[Filter: Adrian, in Atsirian]

I don't suppose that you've had any luck?
fireforged: (Default)
[Filter: Adrian, in Atsirian]

There is something that I need from you, Adrian. It is a favour of ... particular delicacy. There is a certain type of contact I need to make within this city, and making it requires a level of anonymity that I'll never be able to achieve. Karlesta ... I wish Karlesta not to know about this.

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Melyndra Destra (The Prophet)

October 2014

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