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[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

I ... have not admitted that. Not even to myself.

That my memories of him are ... fuzzy. Patchy. There are blots on that record. I think about what I did during those years, and it's all a strange blur. Sometimes, I remember sitting alone in a library, seeking out notes for him. And then I remember him not being there when I went to deliver them.

He always appeared again by the morning.

... I thought I was mad, then, too.

Perhaps ...

Perhaps that is why this has been so difficult.

But no more.

[Filter: Karlesta and Adrian, in Atsirian]

I will make an appearance this afternoon, two hours before sunset. It needs to be grand, dramatic, and memorable. I need my handmaid fetched, for my appearance must be impeccable, and the both of you will need to be the same. Drum up the populance. Create buzz and excitement.

I want to steady their feet beneath them, and send them away talking about how the Prophet is as formidable as ever.

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

At least, when I hide in my room like a scared little girl, I don't see him. It's been ... restful, the last day.

Where will this end? I fear to consult the fires ... It is wrong of me, and yet, I cannot help it.

[Filter: Adrian, in Atsirian]

Karlesta gave my sermon, today. Did she perform well?

[there is a large blot of ink here]

[Filter: Karlesta]

Karlesta, did -- did you see that?

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

I cannot seem to scour his face from my mind.

I thought I was over this. I thought I had grown past this, that I had put him to rest, that I had finally become an adult and left that girl behind me. I can never reclaim what is gone, never. I realized this. I moved on with my life.

And yet there he is.

Near every night I dream of him, now, and think of him constantly. "Why," I ask myself, "Why would they have showed him to me in the flames?" I think of it as a warning, as a coded message, but ...

But no.

It has never been so roundabout and philosophical as all that. Never. What the Holy Mothers show me in the flames is always the future. It is sometimes vague and sometimes indescipherable, but I always looked back and realized where it was pointing me as it outlined an event yet to come. Nothing that has appeared in the flames has ever stayed in the past.

... so what does this mean?




I need him from my thoughts. The Queen's masque was my suggestion, and so it is of critical importance that I appear invested and knowledgeable at the event itself. I need to present a strong, impassive, mysterious and charming face. Melyndra Destra. I have no time to be mooning about like an adolescent girl. There is much to do, much to appear to be doing, and I will do them. I will put him from my mind.

If he is to appear in the future, I will await the future to show me just how.

And that is all.

That is all.

[Filter: Adrian, in Atsirian]

You're still thinking too conservatively, Adrian. After all my urgings, you can't allow yourself to unwind.

Your unfounded fears aside, you will not appear ridiculous and overdressed at the masque. As it is, it will be immediately obvious to all who you are, simply because no Atsirian would ever be caught in what you intend to wear. Can I make it clearer for you?

You wear your face in your sleeve.

[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

... Karlesta. Is something the matter? You look ... a little ill, actually. Do you have need of some fresh air?

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

This city is like dusty earth when the runs come. They're so deserate and dry, they'll drink whatever is poured to them.

It will do more than fine.

[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

Don't think that I've forgotten the date.

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

I'll miss Draese. Both as a handmaid, and as a mask. It will be increasingly difficult to comment on going-ons in Cleraine without being there to witness them myself, and it may not be worth the risk to use her name, unless there's a chance of finding out something very useful. I wish I could bring her with us, but the dragon will only carry so many.

Perhaps we should visit Agrabah, at some point. I'm sure they would be only happy to offer tribute to the Goddesses in the form of their prized dragons. Adrian and Karlesta would need to be taught to ride, of course, but it would be less tight than three to one saddle, and I could bring my girl.

I shall consider.

Ilserna will be nice. As deeply and completely as I will miss my Cleraine, going back to spreading the word of the Mothers, like I did when this all began ... it will be pleasant, to return to an earlier time. A simpler time ...

[Filter: Adrian and Karlesta, in Atsirian]

I've had Faella schedule our departure an hour from now. I thought that we might do something rather grand.

Are you both ready to leave? Remember, it shall be some time before we return, and you can afford to pack very, very little for the dragon to carry.

[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

As I'm sure you know, Karlesta, I am intending to leave Cleraine and go back to brining word of the Goddesses throughout Atsiria very soon. I am intending to bring you with me when I go, which I am also sure that you know ...

Two weeks from now, I would say, is when all my preparations would be done. I am sure that you feel impatience, but please understand, Karlesta, I cannot simply leave the people to flounder about in search of an anchor for their faith. They need some token of my words to keep with them, in order to stay true to their course once we depart.

There is a group of scribes I have been given a collection of my sermons and teachings to, and who have compiled them into a book. It will be a forerunner to a text that will go down in history -- our own Scriptures.

Now that my instructions have been imparted, I must move to other things that need to be finished before we leave. But this one thing is crucially important, and I hate to leave it to their devices.

I need an overseer to monitor their progress and ensure the book is shaping as it should be.

Would you accept this task?

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

And it will have to suit. They have been instructed not to make any mention of their inescapable rumours of Lady Westa's possible marriaged, and Karlesta will be out of sight from Raezi, unlikely to run into her where anyone could overhear any words they may exchange.

[Filter: Private]

That was not the right thing to say.

I gave bad cousel and I know it. I should have talked her down from making a mistake, helped her back onto a good path. I used my influence to convince her to do something she was regretting before she even began. I know I should have said something -- anything but what I did.

But I need to know.

I need to know what sort of woman my sister is. I need to know what she loves enough to compromise herself for, and what she'll do for it. I want to see how far she'll go ...

I suppose I want to see if she's willing to do what I did, in some small capacity.

It would be nice, not to feel so alone.

[a pause]

Perhaps they're right. Adrian, Faella, Audreyna, all of them. Perhaps I should leave Cleraine -- perhaps I should have left already, a long time ago. I'm clouded, disconnected ...

But I need to know.

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

She is so ... strange.

There is more to her than meets the eye, but she does not conceal a cunning nature beneath her lowered eyes. It's something ... different.

She conceals much of herself from everyone, but I can't tell if even she is aware of this, or what, exactly, she's concealing. Only that she is neither beguiling nor ambitious, but that there is an iron core, buried deep within.

Not one she had from our mother, to be certain.

Those herbs ... I've heard nothing, seen nothing. What could it be that she wants them for? What purpose could they serve, when she has no sinister motive?

[Filter: Faella, in Atsirian]

I did read the exchange between yourself and Sir Varnes, as you must have come to suspect. You assured him that you would raise an issue with me, and yet, never did.